hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
