i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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