There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
