Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
