I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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