she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
