the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize