the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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