I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
