I wish I could punch you in the face.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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