remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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