my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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