Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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