woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
worst night to have a conscience
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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