I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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