dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
