someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
