do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
