how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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