so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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