I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
