i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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