Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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