You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
