You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
