meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
