she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
