Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
