Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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