i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
