i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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