I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
