I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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