Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
