So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
