Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
