I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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