All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
