I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
