sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
