She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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