If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
