I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
