You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
