While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
as a side note pls kill me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
