I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
