i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
