I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
