mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I want to make a zoo with you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
