It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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