my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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