I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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