I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
