and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
