And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
