A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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