you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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