hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
