he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
