I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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