***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
