I think my fart just growled at me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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