if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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