I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
