my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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