a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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