god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
