my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
