Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
