What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
