Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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