I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
