why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize