The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love you. Go after that dick
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