I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
