Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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