i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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