I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My vagina just clenched in fear
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
