highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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