Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
