It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize