Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize