Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
