You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
