For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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